Lost..

I have this fascination in being lost.. I wanna get away! Run away.. I want to be somewhere that I can find peace. Be gone.. Where I don't have to mind the things that's been troubling me day in, day out. Where I can do the things that I really wanted to do, without minding what it will do to the people I care for. Where nobody can point out what should and should not be done. A place with total silence.. Alone with just my thoughts. Thinking about all the wonderful things in the world. And completely forgetting about the troubling things.

I want to see a different world. A world full of life and beauty.. Where nothing seems out of place. Everything is where it should be, everything is in place. Everything belongs.

Everyday, I thought of wanting to be like Margo from Paper Towns. Her drive, her will, her strength, and her spontaneity.. I want to have those things. Or to be like Amy from Gone Girl. Not the psychopathic side of her, but to be as clever and mischievous as her.

I just badly want to disappear! But I want to feel alive. I don't want to feel this emptiness anymore. I want to live a life that I can call mine. This life that has been especially given to me.. To give justice for this gift. I want to redeem myself. So that I can be the version of myself that I'm always fantasizing to be in my head.