I am heartbroken once again. This feeling that is oh so familiar to me.. Usually, familiarity is good. However, this familiarity always got me feeling like I'm being beaten to death. Every single time. It has become a physical thing. I can feel it inside of me. And it has always got me shaking on the outside. I've fallen deeply in love that it seems like I'm not capable of doing any other things than to love. And to hurt. Repeatedly. I don't know if I'm even making any sense right now. But my mind is racing with too many different things/thoughts at the same time that I can't even focus on what I would want to say first. This pain, I'm not even sure if it has gotten me numb or if it has me feeling every emotion there is. The bad thing about this is that it was my fault. It has always been my fault. I had a choice, I made it. I knew what it'll do for me but I still continued on doing this to myself. 'Cause truthfully, I'd rather love with all that I can give than to not love at all. The latter, I think is more painful. I've got no regrets. Not even a single one. 'Cause by the end of the day, I know I've done anything and everything for that one person. Regardless of what is returned. Sadly, I would do it a million times over again even if it has the same outcomes. I would do it just to feel the great things in between. Just to feel alive again. Just to be with that person again. I love you. I still do. I always will.
